Depression Confessions

I have not been running…only three tiny runs this month.

I skipped out on yoga class this week and haven’t been on my mat unless it’s to stretch out the pain in my back.

I have not been meditating.

I have not been blogging because staying focused long enough to compose paragraphs is challenging.

It’s that time of year when my enemy digs its claws into me and creates havoc in my life.  It sneaked in slowly this year and then pounced quickly when I wasn’t watching.  Dirty little bugger finds a way to catch me off guard every once in a while.  Luckily, I’ve learned what it looks like and what I have to do.

The first step of acknowledging that I am again in a battle and sharing that with others decreases its power.  Giving myself some quiet time to let the introverted side of me find some stillness is helpful as long as I don’t allow for too much alone time.  Next step is to move.  Movement is the treatment plan that my body, mind, and spirit responds to best.

Moving is hard though when the enemy is holding you down.

Today I am thankful for my ever supportive husband who insisted on scheduling a family walk today.  After six kilometers of walking through local trails covered in fallen leaves with the antics of our children to keep us entertained, I know that tonight when the scores are counted for the day, I will have tallied more than depression did despite the continuing fight.

Today’s walk inspired me to do a little baking and the house smells delicious.  Today’s walk changed the landscape of the internal battle just a little bit, similar to the leaves changing the view outside my window.

Because focus is a problem today and distractions come easy, I just opened up my Everyday Mindfulness book that sits on my desk.  Of course, these would be the pages for yesterday and today!

everyday mindfulness

Tomorrow will be a new day and a new challenge.  I am hoping to use tonight’s momentum to set myself up for success by planning for a run tomorrow with friends.  Wish me luck!

If you find yourself in a battle with your own enemy, please seek help from family, friends or professionals.  If you find yourself in crisis please call 911 or visit your local emergency center. xo